Complacency in recovery is something I try very hard to avoid. I’ve heard time and time again this to be a huge catalyst for relapse and I don’t want to find myself there.
Yet I’ll be honest. As I go about my life as a sober woman, I can sometimes lose sight of how my life used to be, how each day I played a proverbial game of Russian Roulette.
And then there’s a moment when something happens.
In that moment, my knees get weak, the world stops and I hear nothing but that small voice inside saying, “That could have been you.”
This is what happened when I heard how Whitney Houston may have died.
Yes, that could have been me.
Well over a decade ago, I was in Las Vegas with my husband. He was in the casino while I was lounging in the hotel room. After several glasses of wine, I thought it would be a good idea to relax in a hot bath.
The next thing I remember I was being pulling up from the bath water. I had passed out and the water was up to my nose.
Had I not been found when I was, I would not be here to type this. I wouldn’t be here to be a wife, a daughter, a sister or a friend. I would be a memory just like Ms. Houston.
I’ve been watching, reading and listening to the myriad of reactions to the loss of this woman and feel it to be rather surreal. I watch the faces of those struggling to comprehend the devastating effects of untreated addiction and I get a chill.
I cannot, for one second, take for granted the gift I was given by getting sober. Yes, I worked hard to get here, but I’ll never be fully cured from the disease of addiction. I’m given a daily reprieve based on my willingness to take the actions steps required for sobriety.
Yes, I need those moments. If nothing more than to remind me how grateful I am to be here and how very precious my life truly is.
Very brave. You make me proud.