Alison's Insights

Making Sense of Addiction Recovery in Midlife One Slow Deep Breath at a Time

Those Moments

Complacency in recovery is something I try very hard to avoid.  I’ve heard time and time again this to be a huge catalyst for relapse and I don’t want to find myself there.

Yet I’ll be honest.  As I go about my life as a sober woman, I can sometimes lose sight of how my life used to be, how each day I played a proverbial game of Russian Roulette.

And then there’s a moment when something happens.

In that moment, my knees get weak, the world stops and I hear nothing but that small voice inside saying, “That could have been you.”

This is what happened when I heard how Whitney Houston may have died.

Yes, that could have been me.

Well over a decade ago, I was in Las Vegas with my husband.  He was in the casino while I was lounging in the hotel room.  After several glasses of wine, I thought it would be a good idea to relax in a hot bath.

The next thing I remember I was being pulling up from the bath water.   I had passed out and the water was up to my nose.

Had I not been found when I was, I would not be here to type this.  I wouldn’t be here to be a wife, a daughter, a sister or a friend.  I would be a memory just like Ms. Houston.

I’ve been watching, reading and listening to the myriad of reactions to the loss of this woman and feel it to be rather surreal.  I watch the faces of those struggling to comprehend the devastating effects of untreated addiction and I get a chill.

I cannot, for one second, take for granted the gift I was given by getting sober.  Yes, I worked hard to get here, but I’ll never be fully cured from the disease of addiction.  I’m given a daily reprieve based on my willingness to take the actions steps required for sobriety.

Yes, I need those moments.  If nothing more than to remind me how grateful I am to be here and how very precious my life truly is.

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One thought on “Those Moments

  1. Claudia Donohue on said:

    Very brave. You make me proud.

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