Yep, I’m Having A Bad Day.
Everyone has bad days and I’m no exception. Whether related to failed efforts adhering to what’s planned or trying to work through a situation, relationship, or emotional feeling I want to control or make better in an instant, today was one of “those” days.
Just because I’m in long-term recovery (which for me means I’ve not used alcohol for more than 11 years or unhealthy eating behaviors for more than 5) I’m still very prone to a bad, melting down, crying until I can’t see straight, kind of day. We all are. That doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to see gifts wrapped in whatever barbed wire I’m trapped in. I have practical experience proving barbed wire is definitely something I can snap through. Intellectually I understand that. However in this moment, tough day.
Yet here’s the good news! I know bad days don’t last forever. Feelings are not cemented, they are fluid which means they pass. Something will (not maybe, not possibly, but WILL) happen to assist in altering my perspective. I’ll read a line in a book, write about what’s going on (oh look, I’m writing!), or hear someone say something totally unrelated to what I ‘m lamenting about and then BOOM! Maybe in an hour, maybe two, maybe not until tonight or even tomorrow but at some point I am sure to see things differently.
So here’s what I’ve already done to try to shift myself from saying “I. AM. HAVING. A. BAD. DAY.”
(1) I’ve been to a face-to-face meeting where I talked with friends about what’s on my mind.
(2) I called the woman who, for a very long time, has been my guide for right living.
(3) I just had a Kleenex-holding, tear-flowing, nose-running talk with my husband. (To note, at the onset I asked he just listen and refrain from trying to “fix” me, both of which he did with patience and grace).
(4) I’m here, writing this blog post.
And you know what? Although I don’t feel 100% better, I feel heard and connected with other people who struggle with this thing called life. I don’t feel the need to run from this day just because I’m having trouble making sense of things.
No one promised me sunshine, tulips, puppies and newborn baby smiles just because I found a way to overcome that which I deemed impossible. I’ll leave that to fictionalized books and made-for-TV movies. My real life, the one that looks messy and confusing and wildly scattered, isn’t the yellow-brick-road to everything’s perfect. All I’m assured is, if I remain willing to see things differently; to experience life with less black and white thinking rigidly laced with “should’s” and “must do’s”, I will move through my every day with hope.
I know I can do this. I know we can do this. The connection is, we need each other to do this at all.
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A Moment to Breathe …
What do you do when all hell breaks loose in your mind? I’d love to add a few suggestions to my list. Why not share one or two here or as a comment to this post out there in social media land.
Alison's Insights 
This has happened to me alot lately. It seems the anxiety attacks are coming more and more for no apparent reason. I watch my 20 month old kittens running about full of life and then I realize that only me can let my mind get in the way, Hang in there. F2F meetings are awesome, FB is great, great friends that you have to listen and not judge are priceless.