Alison's Insights

Making Sense of Addiction Recovery in Midlife One Slow Deep Breath at a Time

Secrets Keep Us Stuck…Or Worse

Secrets.  We all have them.  And no matter how big or small they may be, we guard against revealing them as if our lives depended on it.  Until they do.

I’m not talking about the secrets we carry in silence for others. I’m talking about those we keep buried about ourselves.  We keep them locked deep down inside to protect us from being seen as the people we really are.

We hold tightly to these precious gems of information out of fear, never once thinking they might just be the release we need to live a life of peace.

When I got into recovery for alcoholism, I went through the process of deep soul-searching and did a magnificent job of circling around that one big storage box of secrets. 

Unbeknownst to me at that time, the tighter I kept that box shut, the firmer I was held prisoner to my eating disorder.  I figured as long as I stayed sober there’d be no reason to unlock it. 

Never mind my mistaking how proud my husband, friends and loved ones were of my sobriety as being confirmation I needn’t look any further into what was really going on.    

I kept up this protective measure because I simply didn’t want to face the secrets held in that cavernous container.  I didn’t think dealing with any of it would serve a purpose other than to derail me emotionally. 

Until, six years later, I became derailed anyway.  I found myself at the doors of an eating disorder treatment center having to make a decision.  Either unlock that box and share my secrets or die trying to hide them.

I chose to open it.  And as every tear fell, I found dealing with what was inside of my proverbial Pandora’s box, was my freedom.  Real, true, honest freedom. 

So when it comes to keeping those secrets you’ve got locked away, hoping you’ll never be asked to reveal them, think twice.    

Those secrets you hold so tightly about yourself will not only keep you stuck, they may very well be what stops you dead in your tracks.



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