Alison's Insights

Making Sense of Addiction Recovery in Midlife One Slow Deep Breath at a Time

Fact or Sleepless Nights?

The various ways my life has transformed by way of the  emotional, physical, mental and emotional recovery process is far beyond what I’d ever imagined.

Take for example, forming opinions, attitudes and answers based upon second-hand information.  I used to subscribe to this way of thinking relative to just about any subject and in any situation.  I would take it so far, get so animated in my belief in something, that if questioned about the validity of it, I’d be insulted for having someone doubt my truths.

But they weren’t my truths because I didn’t take the time to go directly to the source and get the facts.

Ok, here’s what I mean.  Let’s say I didn’t hear back from someone after I’d left a message.  I’d immediately think I did something wrong, the other person is mad at me, or I’m not important enough for a response.  Everything was negative internal messaging.  I’d get so worked up about this I was ready for an all out confrontation with the other person without ever once thinking maybe they were simply unavailable, ill or out-of-town.  In other words, I wouldn’t wait for the facts before I’d beat myself up for being at fault somehow.  Let’s not even go into how my interaction with that other person would be way off-center by the time we reconnected.  I’d have a flippant tone of voice or be overly apologetic for being an “inconvenience” by simply asking them to call back.

As a work in progress woman, I don’t have the luxury of making assumptions any more.  I can’t.  I have zero idea what is going on in someone else’s head or in their lives.  As a matter of fact, nothing irritates me more than if someone makes assumptions about mine.  This was the lesson I had to learn … if it irritates me, why do it to others.

So instead of many sleepless nights going back and forth in my head about something based solely on assumption, today I stick to the facts.

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