Alison's Insights

Making Sense of Addiction Recovery in Midlife One Slow Deep Breath at a Time

My How Far I’ve Come

I’m going out for dinner tonight with my husband and my Mom.  And, wait for it … I’m actually looking forward to the evening!  I have no anxiety about whether or not there will be people drinking or about the food I’ll be eating.

My, how far I’ve come.

It’s moments like these that stop me in my tracks.   Just over 10 years ago, I would be in complete panic right about now.  I’d be thinking a million different things.  I’d be planning how to assure I’d have enough wine, how I’d be able to get away with eating as little as possible and praying I could do both without getting noticed.

Little did I know then that my addictive, obsessive behaviors had nothing to do with the food or the wine or the people.  It had everything to do with me  and why I so desperately wanted to escape from my emotions.

Today I’m free of all that.  I’ve worked really hard to get to this place and yet don’t ever want to forget what it was like before.  I cannot allow myself the luxury of thinking I’ve “got it” because I’ve learned from the experiences of others that’s a sure sign I’m one step away from making a really bad decision.

As a matter of fact, right now, I’m more excited about the new bright green pants and great black shirt I’ll be wearing tonight.

I’m off to iron my outfit and while I do so, I’m going to take a really deep breath, basking in gratitude for where I am today.

My how far I’ve come.

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