Alison's Insights

Making Sense of Addiction Recovery in Midlife One Slow Deep Breath at a Time

My Own Best Thinking …

In talking with others about addiction recovery, I had always chuckled when someone would comment, “My own best thinking got me here.”  I considered it to be rather tongue in cheek relative to how “off” my thinking was about everything before I entered the rooms of recovery.

During those days before recovery, I thought I had it all together and had all the answers.  And, because I had it all together, I’d have the answer for all your problems too!  There wasn’t a person alive that could tell me I couldn’t do something.  I considered those to be fighting words and as such, would forge my way through any situation with a determined spirit.  Not because I wanted to prove you wrong, it was because I was terrified you’d consider me not good enough or “less than” what you expected.

That kind of determined spirit worked for a very long time … and then it didn’t.

What I failed to realize was the way in which I was coping through those fights to master one thing or another was, little by little, causing serious ramifications to my health, my relationships and my life in general.

It was only a matter of time before I started to hear that little inner voice inside me say, “Get Help!”

I disregarded that idea because it required me to admit I couldn’t do something on my own.  But that voice was relentless. It would not back down.  As my world started to collapse around me, that inner voice message kept getting louder and louder.  It got to the point where I couldn’t hear anything but that message no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

Today, when I again heard that line, “My own best thinking got me here”, I heard it differently.  I heard it mean because I finally listened to that little inner voice, I reached out for help.  I finally listened to what I now know to be the resource of my best thinking.

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